Five Things to Consider When Dating
Are you sabotaging your relationship?
Sometimes we are unknowingly getting in the way of our intimate partnerships. While there are many reasons why this may be happening, identifying the how can lead to increase in awareness, decrease in destructive behaviors and newfound hope for your relationship. Below are a few indicators that you may be contributing to the divide in your relationship.
1. You’re checked out
Not investing in your relationship can manifest in many ways. For some, it’s excessive gaming, excessive exercise, consistently being on the phone, or pouring into others.
2. You’re looking for problems
One way that we sabotage relationships (or potential relationships) is by searching for reasons why it isn’t working or won’t work. When we look for these things, we often find them. Even before the reason becomes an issue we’ve already told ourselves stories about why it can’t work.
3. You’re not working on it
Additionally, if you aren’t working on your relationship, your love isn’t being fostered and taken care of. This is often how we “fall out of love.” Being a good partner takes time and effort.
4. You’re talking poorly about your partner
Sharing your partners downfalls with others is one way that we engage in passive aggressive communication. By not speaking with your partner directly, you’re removing the opportunity for change and planting negative thoughts with family and friends.
5. You’re retaliating rather than forgiving
When the focus of transgressions becomes who can hurt who the most, there’s a violation of the love and trust that is shared between partners. Relationships require forgiveness and humility. Retaliation is a focus on getting even and typically doesn’t reduce the pain that was inflicted.
6. You’re making assumptions
Even partners who have been together for many years can’t read each other’s minds. When we make assumptions, or tell ourselves stories, about what our partner’s intentions are, we miss an opportunity to hear and understand them more fully.
7. You’re comparing
Comparing your current relationship to past relationships, or even other relationships that you see, can be damaging. Each relationship is its own and often when comparing we aren’t factoring in the positive parts of our relationship.
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If you suspect that you or your partner are sabotaging your relationship, please don’t hesitate to contact me. Let’s explore ways to enhance and brighten your relationship.
Kaitlyn Begnaud Terro, M.A., LPC-Associate
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