How to Emerge Confident After A Breakup

Louis Laves-Webb

March 24, 2017

Breakups can be difficult. This can be true for those who have just gotten out of a relationship that you felt was damaging or one where both of you have agreed to go your separate ways. Breakups can evoke a myriad of feelings, including some that can negatively impact one’s self-esteem.

Here are some steps you can take to help you regain your confidence, get stronger, and find your footing again.

First, be kind and compassionate to yourself

Sharing kindness with others can do wonders, but during the time after a breakup you need a healthy portion of your kindness and compassion reserved for you. Participate in activities that you love, be good to yourself, and make yourself the priority.

Other examples can include: reading, taking a walk through nature, or taking part in your favorite activity. The aim is to create space for compassion, kindness, greater love, and self-acceptance after your recent loss.

Live in the present

The realization that the relationship you once had has changed and the acceptance of that reality can take some time to process. There may be a picture of them, a mutual acquaintance, or even a song that reminds you of them.

When these memories come rushing in, stay in the present moment. There is no need to brush them aside or try to move away from the emotions that you maybe feeling. Endings are a process and there can be value in staying in the moment, even in the face of uncomfortable feelings.

Keep your best qualities in mind

At the end of a relationship, we can easily become more negative and hopeless. This is a natural part of the grief associated with a relationship ending. Work to understand that although it can appear daunting and hopeless in the moment that each day will bring different emotions and that over time you will began to feel stronger again.

Breakups are a good time to take an inventory of ourselves and how we function in relationships. However, be mindful that although you may have some room to grow, it’s equally important to acknowledge that you also have many positive qualities and strengths as well.

Create space for healing

It’s important to make your healing a priority. This can include, making a sacred space for your healing, distancing yourself from reminders of your past partner, and even buying or creating new beauty for your home.

You may also want to try activities that you can enjoy in your free time. This can include learning a new language, traveling, volunteering, and even reading a new book. By focusing your attention on learning a new skill you can productively improve your wellbeing while becoming a better you.

Know when to reach out for help

Some breakups are harder than others. If you find yourself with ongoing depression that does not wane, would like to get more clarity about counter-productive relationship patterns, or would like to understand more deeply how experiences from your childhood could be affecting you in the present, a psychotherapist can be an excellent resource. They can provide support, structure, and an opportunity to change some maladaptive patterns in relationships.

Breakups can be simply devastating, but they can be honestly looked at, compassionately healed from, and personally explored. By doing this, they can be a source of growth, future fulfillment, and genuine healing unmatched by most other experiences.

Have you gone through a breakup or are you facing difficulties in your current relationships? Contact Louis Laves-Webb today for individual therapy and marriage counseling to address the barriers that are causing you concern.

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