Considering Sobriety? Gentle Answers for Women Who Are Sober-Curious

Written by Isabella Cimbala, LMSW (she/her) Associate Therapist | Louis Laves-Webb, LCSW, LPC-S and Associates. Find her on her website to learn more about her or her clinician profile to schedule an appointment.   

Naming the Curiosity

When women begin to question their drinking, it doesn’t always look like a rock-bottom moment. More often, it starts with quiet tracking — noticing how many nights in a row they’ve had a drink, how often they look forward to that evening glass of wine, how different they feel after a few days without alcohol.

On paper, it can look normal. They might even know plenty of people who drink more. But inside, it doesn’t feel good. They feel anxious, impatient, and restless. Sleep isn’t solid. Life doesn’t feel terrible, but it doesn’t feel great either. Instead, there’s a fog of being “just okay.”

This is where sober curiosity begins: not with labels or ultimatums, but with a wondering — what would it be like if alcohol wasn’t such a big part of my life?

Do I Have to Quit Drinking Forever?

One of the first fears that comes up is, Does this mean I have to quit forever? The truth is, examining your relationship with alcohol doesn’t have to mean making an all-or-nothing decision.

For some women, quitting feels right. For others, this exploration is less about alcohol itself and more about the stress, the unmet needs, and the uncomfortable feelings drinking has distracted from. Looking at your relationship with substances is about seeing the bigger picture and making decisions aligned with the life you want — not fitting into a single mold of what sobriety “should” look like.

How Therapy Can Help When You’re Not Ready to Quit

Having a glass of wine when we feel anxious, sad, or angry can feel a bit like a magic trick. For a while, it seems like the problem is solved. The discomfort fades, and we experience the temporary relief of feeling like the obstacle has been removed. But in reality, nothing has changed.

Therapy offers a different kind of magic. It provides a safe space to slow down, look at what’s underneath the urge to drink, and explore what those feelings are trying to tell you. From there, you get to decide what you want your relationship with alcohol to be.

I often think of it this way: we wouldn’t take crutches away from someone with a broken leg, but we also wouldn’t mistake crutches for a healed leg. Therapy is about tending to the healing, not just relying on what gets you through.

An Invitation to Gentle Exploration

If you’re beginning to question your relationship with alcohol, it’s easy to get stuck in thoughts about control: How do I cut back? How do I stop after one? Those are valid questions — but I invite you to also ask: What do I need more of in my life?

Drinking often distracts us from noticing what we truly crave: rest, connection, joy, creativity. Instead of only focusing on restriction, therapy can help you shift toward adding what nourishes you. Nutritionists sometimes call this “crowding out” — the more nourishing foods you bring in, the less space there is for what doesn’t serve you. The same is true here.

You don’t have to have all the answers. All you need is the willingness to be curious about yourself and what your life could look like with more clarity, self-trust, and freedom.

If you are ready to explore your next steps, schedule a consultation today to get the support you deserve.