Depression as an Uninvited Guest: How to Set Boundaries and Reclaim Your Life

Written by Rachel Ortiz, LMSW - Associate Therapist | Louis Laves-Webb, LCSW, LPC-S and Associates. Find her on her website to learn more, or her clinician profile to schedule an appointment.   

Depression has a way of showing up unannounced. It doesn’t knock politely or wait for an invitation. It just slips in quietly, like a shadow through the cracks of a closed door. At first, you might not even notice it’s there. But slowly, it makes itself comfortable — rearranging your thoughts, whispering doubts, and dimming the light inside you.

We often treat depression like an overpowering houseguest that we can’t say “no” to. It can settle into our minds, take over our energy, and dictate how we feel about ourselves. We believe we have no control over when it appears or how long it’s welcome to stay. However, while we may not have power to control when it comes to visit, we can set boundaries with it when it shows up at our door.

Seeing Depression for What It Is

Depression likes to convince us that it is us — that the hopeless thoughts, the exhaustion, the heaviness are permanent fixtures of who we are. But depression is not our identity. It’s an experience, a storm passing through our inner landscape.

When we can view depression as a separate entity – like a guest in our house rather than a part of us – a powerful shift occurs. It gives us the power to say, “That is my depression talking, not me.”

Learning to Set Boundaries

Just like we would with a difficult guest, we can establish boundaries with depression. Here’s what it can look like:

1. Naming It When It Shows Up 

The first step is simply recognizing when depression has taken up space in our minds. We can say, “Oh, there’s depression again,” without judgment and with a sense of neutrality.

2. Limiting Its Space

Depression wants to take over every room in the house – our relationships, our work, our sense of joy. Setting boundaries means choosing small areas where it doesn’t get to rule. That can mean a 5-minute walk, a shower, listening to music, journaling. The rest of the day can feel heavy, but we can protect those small moments for ourselves.

3. Asking for Backup

When a difficult guest overstays their welcome, we can call for help. This might mean talking to a therapist or a trusted friend. Depression thrives in isolation. Speaking it out loud weakens the hold it has on us.

4. Self-Compassion

Sometimes depression can storm right past any boundaries we try to set. On those days, the most important boundary we can set is one against self-criticism. Instead of saying, “I should be stronger than this”, we can say “This is really hard, and I’m doing the best I can in this moment.” Depression feeds on shame; self-compassion starves it.

Moving Forward

Depression may always be an uninvited guest in our lives. It might show up without warning, but that doesn’t mean it gets to take over our home. Each boundary we set — no matter how small — is an act of resistance, a quiet way of saying: “You are not in charge here.”

If you’re living with depression, know this: you are not weak for feeling this way, and you don’t have to face it alone. Setting boundaries with depression is a slow, imperfect process. But each small step is proof that you’re reclaiming your space, one room at a time.

If you are ready to explore your next steps, schedule a consultation today to get the support you deserve.