Why Habits Sometimes Die Out

Written by Derek Pruitt, LPC Associate. Find Derek online to learn more or to schedule an appointment.  

Everyone has had the experience of trying to start a new habit, doing it for a few weeks, then slowly falling off. That’s as normal as it is human, and the advice you usually get is something along the lines of “just stick to it” or “mind over matter.”

In my experience, mind over matter doesn’t tend to work very long for most people. The question, then, is what determines whether your habits ultimately stick or not, and how can your mindset make your habits “stickier.”

Different theories of psychology have different explanations of this process, and you might resonate with one or the other. Here, I will present what three theories, motivational interviewing, psychodynamic therapy, and mindfulness, would say about habits and whether or not you might stick to them. I will also tell you how you can use each theory to make your habits “stickier.”

Psychodynamic Therapy: The Unconscious Mind Is a Powerful Motivator

Psychodynamic theory states that there are forces in your mind that are below your awareness. These forces are kind of like instincts that tell you what to do without your logical mind even knowing it. Sometimes your unconscious mind’s desire to feel good immediately might oppose whatever habit you’re trying to start, and eventually, the unconscious mind might become too powerful to ignore.

Key Theory

There are unconscious desires that weigh in on your decisions without your logical mind even knowing it.

Implications for Habits

Your unconscious mind might want something different than your conscious mind does, and it may be more persuasive.

Possible Solution

Often, your unconscious mind wants to feel good above all else. So, if you find yourself dreading your habit, your habit might not be supporting the way your unconscious, intuitive mind wants to feel. What do your instincts tell you is right to do?

Motivational Interviewing: You Have a Side That Wants to Change and One That Doesn’t

Motivational interviewing is one therapeutic technique that deals directly with why people do things. It essentially says that if the side of you that wants to do something is stronger than the side that does not, you will do that thing, and if not, you won’t. This applies to both habits and single decisions.

Key Theory

Often, you will have a part of you that wants to do something and a part that doesn’t.

Implication for Habits

Sometimes you might want to keep up with your habit, but the side of you that doesn’t grow too strong.

Possible Solution

If you find yourself letting a habit slip, it might be time to make sure your reason for doing the habit aligns with your deeply held values. Does this habit help in an area of life that’s most important to you?

Somatic Therapy: It’s Easier When Your Mind and Body Work Together

Somatic therapy is based on the belief that the mind and body are connected and influence each other. The goal of therapy, then, can sometimes be learning to listen to the signals your body sends you and act in a way that supports your body.

Key Theory

The mind and body are one system that work together and influence each other.

Implication for Habits

A habit might sound good in your mind, but not support the needs of your body, or vice versa.

Possible Solution

If you’re trying to keep up with a habit but it just doesn’t feel right, or it is getting harder and harder, maybe checking in with your body would tell you whether or not the habit is working. Is there a habit that both moves toward your goals and feels good in your body?

When It May Be Time to Reevaluate the Habit

There are lots of reasons your habits might start off strong, then get harder and harder until you eventually stop doing them. ​

Maybe some unconscious part of your mind does not like doing the habit because it would rather feel good right now. Maybe the habit isn’t the most important thing in your life, so the side of your mind that wants to stay in bed overpowers the side that wants to do the habit. Maybe you think the habit is great, but your body does not. ​

In these moments, sometimes the thing to do is reevaluate the habit rather than keep forcing yourself. Ask yourself, does this habit align with my most instinctual desires, the things that are most important to me, and the way my body wants to feel? If not, there might be a better habit for you to create.

If you would like help figuring out and taking your next step, email me at contact@pruittpsychotherapy.com to schedule an appointment.